To defenders of President and Mrs. Clinton:
The surest way to judge someone’s character is to watch how they treat the help.
To the Clinton-Gore Information Service (aka “Big Media,“ aka “the dogpack”):
If you want to know something, there’s nothing like finding out.
To the radical Marxist ideologues at “Fairness and Accuracy In Reporting” (“FAIR”):
That old line, “Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?“ is a joke, not a legitimate debating technique.
To Newt Gingrich:
Wiser men than you have betrayed their own troops in pursuit of that “strange new respect” offered conservative officeholders who exhibit what the liberal D.C. establishment calls “growth”—and been undone. If you should lose the Speakership next year to a fellow Republican, it will be your own fault.
To NBC:
Whatever you guys spent to get the right to broadcast the 1996 Olympics would have been better spent on other things (like $700 gold-plated toilet seats). If Bob Dole should win the election in November, you’ll wish you could afford to bring back Dan Aykroyd to impersonate Dole on “Saturday Night Live.“ I saw him play Dole in an opening sketch a few years back, and it was dead-on; that geek from “Weekend Update” is about as funny as—well, as Dole himself.
(BTW, Aykroyd got the audience cheering wildly when, as Dole, he got into a shoving match with the Hillary character and, in response to the Clinton-impersonator’s effort to break it up, said, “Stay out of this, Bill—this is what you should have done years ago.“ Even then, Hillary was being groomed to play scapegoat for coming scandals.)
To those who just can’t stomach outright repeal of the capital-gains tax:
Try this on for size—limit the tax to assets held for less than three years. That would exempt most middle-class people who get soaked when they sell their family homes to buy a retirement condo, or when they sell that share of AT&T stock, which they’ve had since their grandpa bought it for them for their tenth birthday, to pay their own son’s college tuition. And it would spare us another Clinton-style bureaucracy to administer such functional exemptions. If we absolutely have to tax capital gains, let’s only tax the ones made by speculators who buy something and sell it off in the short term, and let Joe Sixpack and Rick Whitecollar profit from their own, less volatile investments. And if such a change should eliminate “too much” of the tax’s target revenue, then obviously it’s a bad tax and should be repealed outright.
To anyone seriously thinking of voting for Bill Clinton:
Get therapy.
