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Thu 6 Jun 2002 16:03
by Kevin McGehee
in Coweta County, GA
[Humor?]
[blogoSFERICS]
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Just when you thought it was safe to think about politics, some Democrats have been talking up our own ‘King Roy’ as a viable candidate for the 2004 Democratic presidential nomination.
The word is that Barnes’ record could serve him well in such a bid. No doubt they’re looking at that record in somewhat the same way Bill Clinton wanted America to view his record as Governor of Arkansas.
Well, partisanship has its limits, so here are a few bits of well-intentioned advice for you, Governor, if you’re serious about this presidential business.
- Two words: “contact lenses.” The last time a major party gave its presidential nomination to a man who wore glasses full-time was 1948. And whatever you might think you have in common with fellow Democrat Harry Truman, there’s one thing Truman had in ‘48 that you wouldn’t have in ‘04: incumbency. So, Roy, you might want to ditch the specs. They make you look like Archie and Veronica’s principal, Mr. Weatherbee.
- While we’re at it, think “makeover.” Having more hair than Mr. Weatherbee won’t count for much to voters in those other 49 states, where how you look almost matters more than what you stand for, so you might want to try a new hairstyle — maybe a Gary Condit. And while we Republicans may only use the phrase “gubernatorial expansionism” to refer to your penchant for grabbing power away from the Legislature and other constitutional officers, Roy, you should bear in mind that a presidential campaign is media-driven, and the camera adds 15 pounds.
- Don’t alienate your base — either one. Being a Democrat, of course, you’re faced with the fact that your base in a national campaign is vastly different from your base here in Georgia. And yet, if you get the nomination, nothing could be more embarrassing than losing your home state because voters here don’t recognize you anymore. This is a Catch-22, sure enough, but that’s life as a Democrat.
- Think ahead — way-y-y ahead. Out in California, there are those who say that Gray Davis may have gotten into his present predicament because his eyes were on a 2004 presidential campaign instead of his 2002 re-election campaign or, more importantly, actually governing the state. That’s just so much hooey. There’s nothing major political contributors respect more than a politician who raises money for a presidential campaign while still seeking re-election to his day job. Or better still, for a presidential re-election campaign before he’s been elected the first time. Those money men want to know that you’re ambitious, that you‘ll bring the same go-getter attitude to D.C. that you‘ve demonstrated in Atlanta. Aim high!
- Be careful about taking advice. This is something with which Republicans have some experience, since we are often presented with advice from people who don’t have our best interests at heart. In your case, ignore advice from Al Gore or John Kerry — listen to us Bush Republicans. We only want to help you.
Yeah, that‘s the ticket.
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